Yes...I am Suicidal

"Nadia...the Martyr...the Mujahida..."
Hiba Al Shamaree, translation by Hussein Anwar

February 3, 2010

Taken and translated from Comrade Hiba Al Shamaree's Blog.

You may have forgotten Nadia, the girl who was raped by the dogs of the occupation in the notorious prison Abu Ghraib, and to revive your memory, this is her story which she revealed; she did not throw herself in the arms of her family, like any aggrieved, oppressed prisoner would do, a prisoner with a fire inside longing for his family.

Nadia ran away the moment she was released from prison, not because of the shame that will follow her, but because of what has happened to Iraqi female prisoners that were abused, raped and tortured at the hands of American mercenaries in Abu Ghraib prison, where the walls of the prison speak the sad and horrifying stories of the prisoners, but what Nadia tells us is not a "Story"…it is the "Truth".

Nadia began her story according to Al-Wassat new paper "as I was visiting a relative of mine we were surprised that the American Occupying forces raided the house searching it to find a quantity of light weapons and because of that they arrested everyone in the house including me.

And vainly I tried to persuade the translator who was accompanying the American patrol that I am just a guest, but my attempts failed. I cried and begged and I fainted from the intensity of fear during the road to Abu Ghraib prison.

Nadia says "They put me in a dirty cell, dark and lonely and I expected them to set me free after the investigation proved that I had not committed a crime.

She adds, tears spilling down her cheeks a sign of her sincerity and an expression of the horror she have suffered: "The first day was heavy and I was not used to smell the unpleasant odor as the cell was damp and dark and more from the fear that has been growing on me quickly. The laughter of the soldiers outside the cell made me feel more afraid, and I was terrified of what awaited me, for the first time I felt I was in a very difficult trouble entering a world of unknown parameters I will not get out of it as it entered.

In the midst of this dilemma of different feelings I heard a female voice with an Arabic accent, a soldier in the American occupation army Immediately she said: "I did not think that arms dealers in Iraq are from women."

Once I spoke to explain to her the circumstances of the incident she started beating me so harshly, I cried and screamed "God...I am Innocent...Innocent" Then the soldier began cursing and swearing at me, words I never expected to be heard under any circumstances, and then she started mocking me, telling me she watching me by satellite all throughout the day, and American technology that can track their enemies even inside their bedrooms.

and then she laughed saying "I was watching you even when you were having sex with your husband."

I said to her with a confused voice: I'm not married. she beat me for over an hour and forced me to drink a glass of water I learned later that it was mixed with a heavily sedated substance and I had not woken up only after two days to find myself naked, I knew immediately that I have lost something that nothing on earth would with all the laws of the land return to me, I've been raped.

I became hysteria, hitting my head against the wall firmly, then five soldiers entered led by her, they started beating me and raping me, laughing amid loud music. As days passed, a repetition of the raped almost daily happened and every time they invent new ways that were more more brutal than its predecessor.

she adds to describe the horror of the actions of the American criminals: "After almost a month a negro soldier entered the cell throwing me two pieces of US Army outfits and said in a broken Arab accent to wear them. after putting a bag in my head he took me to the bathrooms where there were pipes of cold water and hot and asked me to shower, he closed the door and went away.

In spite of all that I felt the fatigue and pain, despite the large number of bruises scattered in different parts of my body but I've poured some water on my body, and before the end came the Nigger entered the shower room as i was showering, I felt scared and hit him with the bowl on his face, his reply was harsh...He raped me cruelly and spit in my face and came back, accompanied by two others to drag me back to the cell. they continued treating me this way...raping me tens of times a day which affected my health.

Nadia says, revealing the atrocities against Iraqi women in prison"After more than four months, I received a female soldier, I knew her from the rest of the soldiers that her name was Mary, and she told me that you are now in front of a golden opportunity today...high-ranking officers will visit us, and if you deal with them positively...they may release you, especially we are sure of your innocence.

I said to her: "If you're sure of my innocence, why do you not release me and set me free?".

She shouted at me nervously: "The only way to ensure that you get out is to be cooperative with them."

She took me to the bathrooms and oversaw my bathing holding a heavy stick in her hand hitting me whenever i refused to comply with her orders and then gave me a box of cosmetics and cautioned me from crying so as not to spoil makeup. she took me to a small room empty except for a bed to the ground and returned an hour later, along with four soldiers carrying cameras. she forcibly took off my clothes, she started attacking me as if she was a man, i heard the laughter of soldiers and the load music.

The four soldiers took pictures of all the conditions she had with me and focused on my face asking me to smile or else she would kill me. she took a gun from one of the four soldiers and fired four bullets near my head and swore to settle the fifth bullet in my head after the the four soldiers raped me, which made me unconscious and i woke up to find myself in the cell with all the effects of nails, teeth and stings of cigars everywhere on my body.

Nadia stops from continuing her story to give the freedom to her tears to pour from her eyes, she says "a day after Mary came to tell me that I was cooperative and that they will release me out of prison, but after watching the tape she recorded.

She adds: "I watched the tape in a pain, and she telling me (God created you for our entertainment) Here I experienced the anger and attack her, despite my fear if it wasn't for the soldiers who interfered; i would of killed her, the they all began beating me. after that for a month none of them approached me, i spent the rest of my days in prison praying to God to save me from this place.

Then Mary came with a number of soldiers and gave me the clothes i was wearing when they arrested me, they put me in a hummer and threw me on the highway of the city of Abu Ghraib giving me thousand dinars (equal to 5 dollars). I did not return home, I went to a house very near tot he place where they arrested me, I was afraid of the reaction of my family, I chose to visit a relative of mine to know what happened at home during my absence and I discovered that my brother set up a funeral for me more than four months, and he considered me dead, I understood that the knife of honor was waiting for me. I went to Baghdad and a good family took me in their house, I worked for them as a maid an a babysitter for their children.

Nadia wonders and asks in pain and grief and bitterness: "who will heal and turn of the fire in my chest? who will return to me my virginity? And what was my fault in all of what happened? and what is the fault of my family and tribe? and in my belly a baby i do not know who his father is...

Now you have the right to know where she is, my answer is...she chose to be one of the Mujahidat...as a suicide bombers who blew herself up on a U.S. patrol in Abu Ghraib where they raped her. May God have peace upon her soul and place her in his vast Paradise.

Source: Uruknet.
Link: http://www.uruknet.de/?s1=1&p=62878&s2=04.